Envious Inquirer

Envious Inquirer

Is it acceptable to be envious and do something in spite of someone else, even if it’s a positive thing for you and maybe a negative for them? Not negative to the point where it physically affects them, but negative enough to possibly motivate them enough to gain the same amount of envy and spite for you that you had for them? Sort of like a transfer of emotions, once you had a problem and now they have the problem, and you are the one that comes out victorious. Simultaneously, you have created an experiment that morphs into perfectly structured novel, given that you’ve identified a problem, you’ve come up with a hypothesis for solving the problem, rivalry and the constant competitions between the two is the conflict in interest, a nemesis, therefore installing a never ending goal-setting match between you and another, which in the long run can be beneficial to both parties. This can be portrayed as some sick mind game to those looking inside from out, but to me it’s an adventure for the mind in which Psychology, although never have studied this subject before, plays a huge role. So, with the explanations provided, can my answer be questioned? I mean can my question be answered?

Understanding

A Beautiful Day to Die

Today was a beautiful day and what an eventful one it was. This was a day like no other day because I enjoyed the lessons learned today and got to get a little play while I worked. Today our main objective was to convoy to the local Kuwaiti schoolhouses to be cordial, shake hands and whatnot with the kids of the town, but while in route we were encountered by an IED (roadside bomb). I just so happen to be the driver of our truck and the explosion impacted our HUMMV on the driver’s side. After we realized what happened I found out that my leg was blown off and the truck was on fire. I was brutally dragged out by a couple of my battle buddies who hadn’t endured any injuries to a secure area which was heavily covered by a 360 of loaded M4s where I was accessed by the Medic. The moment I saw him I’d completely lost my train of thought and my focus was dedicated to his every demeanor as he orally and physically examined my body for a complete understanding of what he was dealing with. He was calm but worked with a great sense of urgency; smoother than I’d ever saw any other Medics perform. His voice was softer than Egyptian cotton, almost melodic to me. He’d asked me many questions at first in which I don’t recall being able to answer them sufficiently. The fact that I had earplugs in muffling the disturbing background noises allowed me to submit to his spell which had me lost in a profound trance. As he belligerently ripped and tore off my body armor I could feel myself gradually getting an erection from the ripping sound of the Velcro separating from the gear, I could only barely wait to see what he would strip off of me next. This has got to be a dream I told myself repeatedly in effort to awake myself from this overly tempting sensation. This was just too good to be true. Us two, in the middle of the battlefield, bullets flying over our heads and we were spellbound in the midst of one another, with no one around; just him and me. At that point I could have cared less about my leg, the rest of my battle buddies or the burning truck for that matter, I just wanted this little day-dream of mind to persevere and replay every time it ended. I looked up, and through the crack of my hand shading the sun from my face, I saw a bird. It was more beautiful than the day that I speak of, with its enchanting eyes, and slick black feather’s that swooped in a style that resembled one of modern-day hair styles. As he perched above me I saw him blatantly stick his chest out with pure confidence as if he feared nothing in the world.

“You okay buddy, you feeling any pain anywhere other than your leg? Don’t worry your gonna make it buddy I’m gonna take care of you!” The words of comfort he spoke made me feel well again, more secure than before; being under his wings that is. He spoke with such seriousness and seemingly proficient with each movement he made, I watched as he studied my vitals. I wasn’t in as much pain as I may have portrayed to be in besides he’d already applied a turnicate and I couldn’t feel anything from the knee on down. I figured why not let him do his job, you know let him earn his paycheck? I began to moan erotically with a bit of agony which could have been mistaken for an orgasm if the right person would have been listening. I tried to joke around asking typical traumatic questions like was going to lose my leg or was I going to die trying get him to laugh, but he was in no laughing mood. I wasn’t really scared or worried about any of those things happening to me, yet my heart was pumping profusely and I’m sure he could see my imprint through my blouse. The root of my excitement had not been extended from an adrenaline rush but from some other exotic source possibly a rush of blood begging to find a way out. I was in pure ecstasy, but could it have been from the injection I received or simply from the depths of my imagination. Finally this long yearning desirability had finally come to be, or had it spilled from the ruins of my wishful thinking? Abrasive, yet intimately he ran his hand up down my injured leg to check to see if I felt any numbness; had anything on my body been numb after a rub down like that, I must have been as injured as I’d describe before. Once again he continued to disrobe me so he could have access to my body and all of its attributes. I basically made him do all the work, I played as if I were completely helpless and closed my eye, giving as little assistance as possible. It added to the thrill of me being submissive to this whole love game that I played mentally.

“Ok, I’m gonna stick you now”, he said with caution.

“Go ahead and stick me”, I replied instantly awaiting penetration, but I could have possibly spoken too soon. Before I realized what I said or what was going on he’d stuck a needle in me and was applied tape to my arm to hold everything in place. When I said for him to stick me, I didn’t mean with a needle. I must have wandered back into the same land that Alice had ventured to some years ago. The first stick is always the worst and any insertion after is more painless than before. Whatever the Doc pushed inside me made me feel good all over at slow and steady rate and every time he squeezed his sack I could feel it running through my veins. It gave me the most pleasurable high that I’ve had in a while and all I could say to him was “thanks Doc, I appreciate it”.

“You’re welcome buddy, you’re gonna make it through, just hold on, I’m not gonna loose you this way”, he said reassuring me. I had an epiphany of the scene from Titanic when Rose tells Jack that she’ll never let go, but no matter how good she sounded saying it, she ended up doing just what she said she wouldn’t. At the end of the day this was all just a training exercise and we all got up and did a quick After Action Review and headed back to the barracks for an easy rest of the day. Funny how things turned out to be just a mere sexual fantasy that no one would ever know about but me. Had everything been as real as I described and had that Bird let go of me, it would have most definitely been a great day to die anyways.

The Dreamer

His presence was ideal, but his kiss was meant to be
Alone he would venture with aid from his noble steed
He would search near and far in search for his Majesty to be
I recall pieces from another foretold scene*

When I dreamed of us, well all I ever did was dream,
Visions of lustful and forbidden intercourses would parade
Battlefields, guns, and blood, dare not intrude this reverie*
Love, Sex and Magic was the only aggression we made

My erotic imagination had taken over my mind
I’d lie there, numerous days at a time
With nothing to hold, nothing to grasp, nothing to bind
Awaiting for a knock, a call, or even a sign

In reality all I had was me, myself and my thoughts
I lay restless, contemplating without a care in my mind
How would my Prince ever come to find the one he sought?
For the place where his mind lay differed from mine

My mind rest in a place where things were mink
Where the skies were blue, the clouds were pink
The air was warm and tasted sweet
And touffets were cluttered with Little Bo-Peeps

If he’d ever find me, how could he interrupt this dream?
If he looked close enough he’d see how happy I seemed
If he was here he’d look as happy as me
If I were there I’d be as happy as he

A soft kiss pressed my lips; it was him I could tell
Or was this some kind of merry fairy tail.
Decisions decisions, one I must make
To wake…or not to wake?
That is the question!




*Referencing Sleeping Beauty fairy tail
*Reverie- A synonym for the word dream

A Sad and Lonely Day

It was a cold day in February, colder than any other.

Every year, plagued with the same bitter feeling.

This day is well known as the day of love and passion.

For me, this dreadful day brought nothing but hurt and pain.

I thought of myself as caring, loving, and generous

Yet I spent every year feeling sad, alone and fucked up.

Friends would disappear to share with their significant others.

I would vanish, out of sight, isolating myself from the world.

Why spoil their day of the lovers with my mope and pouting?